The problem of alcoholism in families is widespread in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband; It turns out that 30% of our families have an alcoholic - this number is shocking. At the same time, the man's alcohol abuse has a negative impact on the entire family and many of these families are already becoming a social problem. Families in which a man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and the children in such families suffer as a result. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what we can do about it.
The main reasons why a husband starts drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, if a drinker drinks for pleasure, there is a high chance that they will become an alcoholic over time. The reasons why a husband starts drinking are as follows:
- Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, socially and for mood reasons. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve or a cocktail or two in a bar on the weekend - there seems to be nothing wrong with that.
- Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on holidays. When something significant happens, the first thing you have to do is get drunk, and people socially are suspicious of a person who doesn't drink.
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol; In this way they overcome their shyness.
- Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to see a psychologist, and the culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive but need to hide their feelings, and drinking is the only way to deal with stress. This is a common reason for the emergence and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic – the main signs
Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example on vacation. It happens that they overdo it. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of such men. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear it's time to act.
Regular use
If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, it is a sign of addiction. It is also important which drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every evening is a lot.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use lead to severe poisoning, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, i. e. resistance to alcohol, increases and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms or a hangover arise - feeling unwell the next morning. In the final stage of alcoholismAlcohol tolerance decreases again - to get drunk, all you need is a small amount of alcohol, literally "sniffing the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes more pronounced and painful, there is a strong craving for alcohol and the desire for a hangover - to drink something to relieve the pain. The habit of a hangover becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The occurrence of seizures
Binge drinking refers to continuous consumption of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a special drinking cycle: every morning he gets sick, gets a hangover, then he drinks during the day and gets very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats itself. Long-term alcohol consumption causes psychological disorders, such as alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness accompanied by severe restlessness, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Regular drunkenness leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction specialists are aware of it. These changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakening of the will, inability to resist cravings;
- self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- inability to take responsibility for one's own actions;
- Lies from loved ones and self-deception.
Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, cannot control his actions, cannot be relied on - after all, at any time he can get drunk, forget agreements, spend money or even show aggressionshow towards loved ones: In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, which in turn lead him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say about them: "He's so good when he's sober, but when he drinks he's a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually, a drinking man's relatives hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it is already difficult to do this. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that lead to his dismissal. When drunk, he can commit various crimes or injure himself. Anyone who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from them. Gradually, those around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to fellow alcoholics. In this case, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.
Mistakes women often make when their husband drinks
Psychologists refer to the wives of drinking husbands as "codependent". This term refers to relatives of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche inevitably also changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that, even against their will, it leads todevelopment of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes that wives of alcoholics make:
- Accusations. Of course, their wives do not like the behavior of a drunk man and its consequences. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- Tries to hide the problem from others. Very often a woman covers up for her husband in front of relatives, makes excuses for her superiors and solves all the problems herself. Or insists that he drinks locked up at home - this is safer.
- Supporting an addict's lifestyle: The wife scolds her husband, but can help him "get well" from a hangover, gives him money for drinking, looks for him among his alcoholic friends and brings him home. Sometimes she drinkswith him - in the idea that he will drink less as a result.
- Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they will never be fulfilled.
- If you ignore the problem: Because the man feels good when he doesn't drink, the woman tolerates his drunken behavior with resignation.
In codependent families, one can often observe a situation in which a woman appears to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all their attempts have no effect: the man just drinks more and more and the woman has it more and more difficult. But she receives a lot of sympathy from friends who are privy to the situation. Compared to her husband and those around her, such a woman seems like a great martyr; people sympathize with her and have compassion for her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to endure this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and leave the country. In addition, a drunk husband often brings more to the familyProblems as help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of the addiction and save your family. Anyone who is close to an alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to ban alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Remember that there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provocations, ensure that there is never alcohol in your house again.
- Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire for treatment until the last minute. Sometimes a drinker wants to stop drinking after a frightening or painful experience, but then their resolve weakens - until the next time. Narcologists can help – cleanse the blood of toxins, relieve severe physical ailments and improve your well-being with the help of medications. Next, a psychotherapist should work with the addict, as psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
- It's important to make contact. Talk to your husband and find out why he drinks. But you don't have to become a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust psychological problems to a specialist.
- Change your environment. Any alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their swamp should be excluded from your life.
- Don't take it all on yourself. Do not give your husband money, do not hide his problems from your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
- Do not shame a man or have pity on him. If you see him trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be persistent if he reaches for the bottle again.
Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family on your own. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, self-help groups.
Traditional methods of treating alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into medication and psychotherapeutic.
With the help of medication, doctors can:
- relieve hangovers;
- Improve well-being, support the functioning of internal organs;
- Cleanse the blood of toxic substances – alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce the desire to drink alcohol – so-called replacement therapy.
Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:
- Coding: The doctor tells the addict not to drink or something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of drug coding was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the bloodstream, released poison, which led to the patient's death.
- Classic hypnosis: The psychotherapist gives instructions not to drink alcohol or to drink alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but is somewhat gentler because there is no immediate threat to health or life when using it.
- NLP or neuro-linguistic programming: The specialist uses the patient's perception channels - auditory, visual and tactile - to increase the desired reactions in him and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): A psychotherapist analyzes the addict's psychological problems in detail and shows ways to solve them, helping to learn new behaviors.
alternative medicine
Unconventional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies, which, when used simultaneously with alcohol, cause a strong reaction in the body. For example, the dung fungus, tasty and harmless, causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations even with a small dose of alcohol. With prolonged use, the active substances of the fungus accumulate in the body and are not completely excreted, which leads to a characteristic reaction to any consumption of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics of their addiction.
To alleviate the painful condition of alcohol poisoning, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slanders about water are also used "so that the husband does not drink", prayers and reprimands against drunkenness - these methods are popular among the people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some women see that their husband will not stop drinking alcohol and, without his knowledge, try to stop him from the bad habit on their own. For example, they add some medications to food and drinks. This is quite dangerous and is not recommended by doctors.
To stop drinking, an addict must want to and recognize that alcoholism is destroying their health, their relationships, and their life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives never to stop drinking.
However, there are things that an alcoholic's wife can do at any time to make her husband stop drinking, and they depend only on her. She needs to become aware of her position as a victim and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, do not tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys lives and families. In order to change and think more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?
There are several characteristic signs by which it is quite possible to say that the addiction has progressed too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:
- Frequent, regular use for painful hangovers;
- Lack of control over the amount of alcohol consumed (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (silent drinking at home can lead to severe alcoholism later);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (husband tries to hide the fact of drinking alcohol from his wife);
- Seizures lasting several days from which the drunkard can no longer recover on his own.
All of these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, in which the addict urgently needs professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will quickly develop with the most serious consequences, including death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor in a timely manner.